Proverbs 13:12 Delayed hope makes the heart ill, but fulfilled longing is a tree of life.
Which is better? Dashed hope or deferred hope? A dashed hope is hope that is evidently clear will never happen. A deferred hope is one that seems to have some probability of outcome. And it is this deferred hope that often strings people along to their experiences of hefty disappointments. Deferred hope gives us toxic feelings of a rollercoaster of what is possible and often fuels fantasies. Fantasies take us away from real life. We all have them, and often, we get a pseudo-generated dopamine hit by just hiding in Lala land. It is imperative that we live life in faith but as realistic as is possible. Take the information you have and believe what you see. If it looks like you might be disappointed, brace yourself for the possibility of that disappointment.
One might quickly move on if they know there is no expectation in a matter. However, people often get hurt or get emotionally charged when they have expectations that some desire of theirs will eventually be fulfilled in their lives. When those desires become sporadically elusive, it often becomes a challenge to the heart of the individual. This challenge is further carried when we feel like some fulfilment in our life is hinged on the action or inaction of another. I believe that several things that happen in our lives may not be our fault. However, we must accept full responsibility for whatever plays out and should be adequately prepared with backup actions and mitigation plans for either outcome. You have power, you have autonomy, and you have a free-will which I hope is submitted to God’s will. You, directed by God are the masters of your fulfilled destiny. Men may help, but trust God by unwaveringly knowing He never fails when He makes a promise.
We have a responsibility to protect our hearts with all diligence & that means that we must know what hidden expectations we hold that will never be fulfilled. These never-fulfilled expectations can cause a lot of heartache and pain if left unchecked. You keep hoping & expecting something to change when the narrative keeps telling you it won’t change.
Questions we need to ask ourselves include:
1. Can we do something by ourselves to ensure these expectations can be held? If no, we must let it go
2. Is this a reasonable expectation, that is, is it logically achievable? If no, we must let go
3. Can we trigger a conversation and advice from counsellors and mentors to clarify those expectations? If no, then let it go
To let go of expectations, we must kill what feeds the inner desire for those expectations. Some salient questions we need to ask ourselves include: Are we spending too much time fantasising about an outcome or someone? Are we listening to or watching things that remind us about those desires? Then we must kill those things that continue to feed our desire. Sometimes, it means cutting off exposure to your expectation and be decisive to ensure a clean detachment.
I have often witnessed not just in myself, but in others a lofty expectation of an outcome that is heavily dependent on the actions of another human being. It is no wonder that the scripture says: “Woe to him who puts his trust in the arm of flesh“. Sometimes, the reason why we put so much pressure on expecting something from someone is because we have an unreasonable & flawed trust in ourselves. We often find ourselves going above and beyond to fulfil the desire of others to the devastating detriment of ourselves. We must escape all forms of unhealthy trust in our limited ability. It is then that we will have the space to forgive others when they are not able to live up to some expectation we have of them.
Have real conversations with yourself and with others. Having real conversations are hard; I probably still have a few hard conversations to do. Hard conversations bring a lot of clarity and sever us from the trap of our fantasy world of unfulfilled expectations. When we stop feeding on things that grow our unhealthy desires, we can substitute those with newer, realistic and achievable goals. Often, these goals have been waiting for our attention for quite a while. Cheers to a life of truly fulfilling desires.